Isolation

I have been working in this office for six months and I still feel like a child, face pushed against the glass watching everyone inside eating pastries. Sometimes I feel hurt, other times I feel helpless, lots of the time I feel useless, but mostly I feel as though I am wasting my time mentally, physically, creatively, socially and spiritually. I can understand the fact that many of these people have been working together or have known one another for years, but wouldn't it seem productive if not socially acceptable to make newcomers feel like they are a part of the "family"? I would say it is because they do not want to mix business with pleasure, which would be fine but only if they didn't speak of fun, television, their ideas on politics, their views of the Today show, etc. with each other. At first I tried to insert my two cents. This was always met one of three ways: 1)with a look that questioned why I felt I had the right to participate in the conversation, 2) with a snide comment, or, 3) with a complete refusal to acknowledge that I was even in the vacinity of the conversation. I learned to walk away, go to my own little corner in my own little chair, and cease trying to communicate with them about anything that didn't have to do with work.

And yes, I am a bit stubborn. Wanting somewhat desperately to "fit in", I decided to try a new tactic. For several weeks I brought cookies, cinnamon buns, and other desert items for the kitchen. I also brought in unusual crackers, trail mix, M&Ms, pretzels or other nibbles to put in a dish at my desk so that guests and co-workers could grab a little something on the way in or out of the office. During the Christmas season I was told, point blank, NOT to bring it anymore as some people in the office had health issues and could not control their eating and it was best not to have things like that available for them.

Last week I was speaking to the spouse of one of my bosses (she had telephoned him and I was asked to cover all calls). We said our polite hellos and I asked how she and the kids were doing. She began to tell me about her daughter (in Europe at boarding school) who had a very hard time fitting in at home now that she had been away at school for so long. She was worried about the job prospects this summer. I mentioned the State Department summer program, offered to email her the website as well as try to touch base with some of my old contacts to see if they could help get Caroline (Dan's daughter's name) into the program. Michela gave me her and Caroline's email addresses and seemed very grateful of the idea. Apparently Dan heard the conversation and wanted to know why I needed their their information. He did not seem terribly pleased with my "help" and I have not heard from Dan's wife or daughter since.

Lessons learned!

So now I sit here, doing online crossword puzzles and trying to think of interesting things to type in my blog. Calgon, take me away!