Recently, a study was done that proved Virginia drivers (this includes Washington DC, Northern VA and Southern MD) are the worst in the nation. Being someone who has driven not only in most areas of the United States but abroad as well and shares the road with these people I will say that I have to agree. Mind you, I am not the best driver in the world; far be it. I ride bumpers but not to push people along, more to prevent other screwballs from jumping into my lane when I'm trying to play safe. I've been known to run a yellow light, talk on my cell phone, honk my horn when I feel someone was behaving in a dangerous manner, speed, etc. But I will also admit that I have been much more careful in the last three years, since flipping the Beemer in a parking lot.
When I was much, much younger, "The Wonderful World of Disney" would entertain me every Sunday evening. These fun adventures would include everything from Disney movies to short cartoon flicks. As I drive east on 66 or west on the parkway, or north on 495, a particular cartoon comes to mind (Motor Mania-1950). In this entertaining bit of toon-cinematography Goofy, ever loving family man/dog, would kiss his wife and children goodbye, pat the tots on the head and hop into his car. Once he left the neighborhood, his face began to change and with every new road he took he became more maniacal until he was completely transformed into this horrible, scary, evil shadow of his former self; Jekyll to Hyde. And this metamorphosis would occur because he entered the world of rush hour behaving in a truly dastardly (don't you love that word?) manner: tailgating, cutting people off, changing lanes without using the turn signal, not allowing others to merge, etc.
Today, I was surrounded by Goofies: almost all of them a rabid form of their former selves. And I had to wonder if they realized what they had become in these early hours of our work day. I am curious as to what circumstances forced them into this transition. Could it be the small amount of drivers who AREN'T stressed but aren't very bright either? You know the ones: they speed through yellow lights but ride their brakes through green ones; or they drive slowly in the left lane which used to be reserved for faster vehicles; or worse yet they want/need to follow the speed limit even though everyone else around them is desperate to go 10 to 15 miles over it. On top of that they feel it is their bound and duty to try to force others into compliance of their own stellar example so before they even enter the freeway, three or four of them will communicate telepathically. These individuals will drive down the highway, side-by-side, hindering the passage by other vehicles and creating a backlog of some very angry drivers behind the wheels of what have now become WMDs. (And Shrub thought Iraqis were dangerous!)
Maybe the cause of this personality transformation is caffeine and the fact that there is a Starbucks at the beginning and end of every block as well as included in all strip malls. This over abundance of coffee and coffee products made available to those individuals behind the wheels of motor vehicles could possibly be detrimental to the highway safety of our area. The drug seems to cause humans to need to move faster as well as more eratically. It also gives them the feeling they have to be number one so therefore they are all striving to be the very first in line. What this caffeine also tends to do is make them forget that the world is round and it's virtually impossible to actually hold the "first" position. The shape alone prevents it!
Or could it be that the real reason all of these people, so intent to reaching their destination in record time, causing mayhem and havoc in the minds of other drivers along their path, LOVE THEIR JOBS! ... Hmmmm...If that's the case, just let me ride slowly in the right lane, listen to NPR and watch these lovers of the rat race fly past me. I am in no real hurry to reach my destination. Apparently they don't work in my office.
When I was much, much younger, "The Wonderful World of Disney" would entertain me every Sunday evening. These fun adventures would include everything from Disney movies to short cartoon flicks. As I drive east on 66 or west on the parkway, or north on 495, a particular cartoon comes to mind (Motor Mania-1950). In this entertaining bit of toon-cinematography Goofy, ever loving family man/dog, would kiss his wife and children goodbye, pat the tots on the head and hop into his car. Once he left the neighborhood, his face began to change and with every new road he took he became more maniacal until he was completely transformed into this horrible, scary, evil shadow of his former self; Jekyll to Hyde. And this metamorphosis would occur because he entered the world of rush hour behaving in a truly dastardly (don't you love that word?) manner: tailgating, cutting people off, changing lanes without using the turn signal, not allowing others to merge, etc.
Today, I was surrounded by Goofies: almost all of them a rabid form of their former selves. And I had to wonder if they realized what they had become in these early hours of our work day. I am curious as to what circumstances forced them into this transition. Could it be the small amount of drivers who AREN'T stressed but aren't very bright either? You know the ones: they speed through yellow lights but ride their brakes through green ones; or they drive slowly in the left lane which used to be reserved for faster vehicles; or worse yet they want/need to follow the speed limit even though everyone else around them is desperate to go 10 to 15 miles over it. On top of that they feel it is their bound and duty to try to force others into compliance of their own stellar example so before they even enter the freeway, three or four of them will communicate telepathically. These individuals will drive down the highway, side-by-side, hindering the passage by other vehicles and creating a backlog of some very angry drivers behind the wheels of what have now become WMDs. (And Shrub thought Iraqis were dangerous!)
Maybe the cause of this personality transformation is caffeine and the fact that there is a Starbucks at the beginning and end of every block as well as included in all strip malls. This over abundance of coffee and coffee products made available to those individuals behind the wheels of motor vehicles could possibly be detrimental to the highway safety of our area. The drug seems to cause humans to need to move faster as well as more eratically. It also gives them the feeling they have to be number one so therefore they are all striving to be the very first in line. What this caffeine also tends to do is make them forget that the world is round and it's virtually impossible to actually hold the "first" position. The shape alone prevents it!
Or could it be that the real reason all of these people, so intent to reaching their destination in record time, causing mayhem and havoc in the minds of other drivers along their path, LOVE THEIR JOBS! ... Hmmmm...If that's the case, just let me ride slowly in the right lane, listen to NPR and watch these lovers of the rat race fly past me. I am in no real hurry to reach my destination. Apparently they don't work in my office.
1 comment:
Last December, a car cut me off and nearly took off my front bumper. Unfortunately for him, the traffic was so heavy, he ended up right in front of me for nearly 10 miles. He was my SPECIAL FRIEND and I kept on his ass the whole time. He would flip me off through his sunroof and I would just wave and smile like a crazy cat woman on her way to spay her brood. He got on his cellphone twice while flipping me off. I think he was happy to finally lose me when he turned onto Briley Parkway. I frowned and waved "Bye-Bye!" to my Special Friend.
I think I scared the hell outta him.
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