Cell Phone Protocol

I'm not sure about you, but as convenient as cell phones are, I really have grown to abhor the things. They seem to have become the technological umbilical chords to life, always attached to the human being in some way, shape or form. It is quite revolting, our obsession with these little bits of metal, plastic and microgagetry. And what truly amazes me is that which we catalogue as convenience I am beginning to see more a societal destruction.

Take a simple trip to the market; one cannot travel down an aisle without encountering someone with their ear pushed hard against the cell phone as the person on the other end reminds them of what they need to pick up whilst at the store. Whatever happened to a piece of paper and a pencil (otherwise known as a list)? I guess the positive is that we are saving trees, but how much of the atmosphere are we contaminating, not to mention microwaves against the braincells, and the common courtesy we should have toward other human beings....hmmmm.

And what is the need to begin making chatty calls to friends and acquaintances as soon as the ignition of the car is started? Are our lives so busy that driving the car is the only time we have to partake in telephone conversations? And how safe is it to be focusing on a chitchat whilst maneuvering a weapon of mass destruction? Yesterday I took a little poll driving from my house to work. It was 9:30 and just at the dregs of rush hour. Pulling to my first intersection I was able to count six vehicles in my vicinity, going in the same direction as I. Of the six drivers, four were speaking on cell phones. FOUR!!!! That's more than half. Were they all talking to each other? Maybe a conference call on how to stop at the red light? The woman in front of me was so engrossed with her conversation and looking onto the car seat next to her that she missed the light turning green. Two cars passed her before I honked my horn and she gave ME the finger! Get off the freaking phone and focus on the task at hand you stupid cow!

I took my father to the Native American Museum at the Smithsonian, a place I truly feel should be cellphone free. We were walking through an exhibit on the top floor, a quiet and sacred display broken into small areas of natives and their cultures, when we encountered a woman with a very loud voice yammering on and on about a staff meeting. She thought she was being polite by stepping into a dark corner, but her voice carried across the entire floor trespassing on the ears of those of us who wanted to actually hear the sounds of the exhibition. I was going to say something when someone else approached her. I'm not sure what was said but she answered in a very loud voice "Do you mind? I'm having a very important discussion here!" Well, yes we mind. Why do you think we approached you to begin with?

And one cannot walk into a restaurant these days, be it McDonalds or the Zaytinya, without spotting people at tables with cell phones pushed against their heads or those obnoxious Bluetooth doohickeys attached to their ears. Instead of talking on the cell phone why don't you speak to the person with whom you are eating? Or are you both talking to each other on your cell phones because that is the only way in which you can communicate? And there is nothing more rude than being with someone who, in the middle of a conversation where YOU are speaking, whips out his phone and begins dialing. The first (an only) time this happened to me I shut up, I couldn't speak. When I was told, "Go ahead, I'm only checking my messages." I said, "No, that's okay. Apparently what I am saying holds no significance as compared to your messages." Then I excused myself, got up and left the restaurant. He could still be sitting there for all I know!

And I cannot begin to express the frustration I feel when someone enters the store chatting on a hands free devise. As a customer service representative and someone who is graded on greet and approach, it is part of my job to speak to the consumer as he or she enters my store. When the customer is already talking, I think I am the person be spoken to and interrupt the extremely important conversation to inquire as to what was asked only to get a face load of "stink eye" and maybe a rude "I wasn't speaking to you". Well, EXCUUUUUSE me! So my advise to anyone out there entering my store, do NOT come to my counter while having a cellphone conversation as I will completely ignore you. I will go so far as to take the person behind you rather than wait on YOU. I find your kind of rudeness abhorrent!

For Lent, I have given up the use of my cell phone except during emergencies. I have instructed my children not to call me unless they are bleeding out of their eyes or dead on the side of the road. I told them they were not even to call me if they were in jail...they can call their boss to post bail. I found out yesterday that I have 7 messages, none of which I have listened to or returned as when I checked the numbers they were all from Chatty Cathies who left messages on my house phone as well. I only turned on my cell for the navigational devise as I was lost in a paper bag again. But I did pull off the road to enter the address...I find it hard to tolerate those people who try to drive and text at the same time. I don't trust the OTHER drivers enough to attempt that!

So, if any of you out there need to talk to me, call me at home as my cell is null and void. Or send me an email, I check that twice a day, usually....though I have been known to put that on hold as well. Or better still, send me a letter! How old school but how absolutely refreshing. A letter!