Sunday, March 31, 2013


Having grown up in a Christian household, Easter was a very spiritual holiday for me.  We started by going to church where, after 40 days of being solemn and quiet, we could loudly sing praises that Christ had risen indeed.  And there was much laughter and a bounty of happiness, and everyone was dressed like flowers.  The cross at the front of the church had holes in it, and the children would go forth and fill the holes with small bouquets of flowers.  There were no Easter bunnies, but there were baskets and eggs and ham and a fete that continued all the day long.

I no longer consider myself a Christian.  Maybe it's because I was exposed to too many different religions as an adult, maybe it was the romantic side of me (and yes I believe religion is right up there with romance) gave into the logical side of me.  Or maybe it was that so many people on this earth use God to punish others, to justify their own hatred and bigotry.  Whatever the reason, my beliefs no longer exist so I am left in the dark abyss of my doubt and Easter Sunday is a day like any other.   But being surrounded by Passover and Easter in the outer areas of my life, I decided to look up the origins of these beliefs.  And I read some pretty fascinating things. 

Mainly that Christians were not the first to celebrate "Easter".  It began as a pagan holiday.  Ishtar (pronounced "Easter") was a day that commemorated the resurrection of a god called Tammuz, who is believed to have been the begotten son of the moon-goddess and the sun-god. 

In ancient times there was Nimrod, who was the grandson of Noah's son Ham.  Ham's son was named Cush and he married a woman who was called Semiramis.  They begat Nimrod.  When Cush died, Nimrod married his mother and became a powerful King.  The Bible tells of this man, Nimrod, in Genesis 10:8-10 as follows:

 "And Cush begat Nimrod: he began to be a mighty one in the earth. He was a mighty hunter before the Lord: wherefore it is said, even as Nimrod the mighty hunter before the Lord. And the beginning of his kingdom was Babel, and Erech, and Accad,and Calneh, in the land of Shinar."

Nimrod became a god-man to the people and Semiramis became the Queen of ancient Babylon.  Nimrod was eventually killed by an enemy and his body was cut into pieces and scattered around his kingdom.  Semiramis had all the parts gathered except for his reproductive organs which could not be found.  Because he was not "whole" he could not be resurrected, instead Semiramis told the people of Babylon that Nimrod had ascended to the sun and was now to be called "Baal", the sun god.  Queen Semiramis also proclaimed that Baal would be present on earth in the form of a flame, whether candle or lamp, when used in worship. 

It was believed that Semiramis was immaculately conceived of the moon goddess that went through 28 day cycles and ovulated when full; that Semiramis came down from the moon in a giant egg that landed in the Euphrates River.  This happened at the time of the first full moon after the spring equinox.

Semiramis later became pregnant from the rays of the sun-god Baal.  The boy was known as Tammuz who became a hunter like his father.  He would hunt rabbits which became sacred.  Unfortunately he was killed by a wild boar and the Queen told people that he had ascended to his father.  She proclaimed a 40 day period of sorrow each year prior to the anniversary of Tammuz's death.  No meat could be eaten at this time.  Worshipers were asked to meditate upon the sacred mysteries of Baal and Tammuz.

Every year, on the first Sunday after the full moon after the spring equinox, a celebration was made and this was to be called Ishtar Sunday.  It was celebrated with rabbits and eggs and because Tammuz was killed by a wild boar, a boar (or pig) would be eaten.

And so Ishtar, or Easter as we know it, began.  Makes you question most religions and where their traditions were to do a little reading on Passover.  Happy Easter Everyone!

Friday, March 29, 2013

It began yesterday with sneezes. By last night the muscles and joints were arguing with every move I made.  Zicam was introduced several times, but it got me anyway.  I woke up today with chills and a throat full of razor blades.  I've been sleeping all day long yet I feel as though I haven't rested in a month. So I sit here staring at the screen, moaning, while drinking hot lemon juice and honey spiked with rum.  I'm not sure if it's helping my throat but it is making my stomach feel warm.  I might live after all.....

Thursday, March 28, 2013


So we took a trip today to the fish market, one of my favorite places to go, looking for something good for dinner.  This neighborhood shop has everything imaginable at great prices so we start down at the left and work our way up the ice bar.  Shrimp from prawns to popcorn...yes we need some medium size for 'swimp & grits' so we get a pound.  Oh scallops, we don't have any of these, so we buy a pound.  What's that fish with the red stuff all over it...cajun catfish...we get three.  Oh what kind of fish is this?  It's red snapper, I've never made that but am willing to try.  They filet it for me but keep the skin on (yes, they remove the scales).  Angelo asks about swordfish..I've never made swordfish.  He gets three steaks.  A little white wine, a little soy sauce, and some lemon juice; that ought to be a nice marinade.

And now we are at the item for which we originally took this trip; oysters.  At $6.99 a dozen and that includes shucking them, we had discussed purchasing two dozen...Angelo buys three.  And two lobsters which were in a tank next to the oysters.  "Do you want some soft shell crab?" "NO, this is enough."  But we purchased 4 crab cakes.

I won't even tell you how much it costs or how I possibly got all the stuff in the freezer (except for the 2 lobster and the oysters).  Lunch was bloody mary's and raw oysters of which we ate every single juicy last one of them.  The lobster water is on the boil and we'll have that tonight.  Angelo's final comment?  We should have gotten 4 dozen oysters!

Monday, March 25, 2013

Who can understand cats?  They act like such independent creatures yet they still rely on their humans for food, water, and (apparently) entertainment.  Take my fat meatloaf of a cat, Onyx.  To begin with, this overweight and underloved creature was given to me by my daughter shortly after my husband left me.  He was a rescue cat, came from a woman who hoarded these animals and when the government discovered her vast collection (over 300 in a townhouse in Fairfax, VA) all but 2 dozen were euthanized.  My cat was one of them.  Most people believe his name is Onyx because of his color but that is a fat no.  His name is Onyxpected as he was a gift I did not know I would be receiving.

When I first got the cat, he was skinny and starving....or at least he thought he was starving.  I would come home with groceries and not being able to carry all the bags at once, I usually had to take a second trip to the car.  This didn't take an abnormally long period of time, but no matter how fast I was, Onyx had torn into a shopping bag and attacked meat or a carton of milk or something and was devouring it on the spot.  It took a while to break him of this habit of jumping up on the counter (packing tape laid sticky side up finally did the trick) and to this day I'm not sure if he actually was broken of it, or he realized he wasn't going anywhere and that he would be fed eventually.  But it seemed, at least for that first year, that he was afraid he wasn't going to get the opportunity to eat again and would suck down food like there was no tomorrow....hence his being overweight.  And he was smart, he could figure out how to open cabinet doors, then the pantry door.  When I began keeping his food in the upstairs linen closet located in the bathroom, he learned to jiggle the door until it gave way, open the plastic bin of food, wedge the thing against the door so I couldn't get in, and eat the entire bag of cat food.  Thank the stars the litter box was in there too!  One time I was going out of town and bought a manual automatic feeder.  I filled the jug up with cat food and went about my business only to later find Onyx asleep in the bowl and the jar half eaten.  He would NOT move away from the bowl until it was empty so I'm sure he starved for the few days that I was gone.

Onyx has never been affectionate, he's actually quite standoffish.  He will move just out of your reach so you can't pet him, sit there and watch you make attempts to pet him.  If you do have the misfortune of rubbing his skin, it's because he has stopped and rolled over onto his back.  DO NOT TOUCH HIM LIKE THIS!  It's a ruse.  He just wants an arm to attack!  He is, however, affectionate to those who are highly allergic to him.  Take Angelo who has a terrible cat allergy yet allows him to stay here.  Angelo will be working at his desk and the cat will jump up to look out the window then proceed to calmly walk across the keyboard in a very calculated manner, stepping on as many keys as he can possibly touch then rubbing against whatever happens to be there, which is usually Angelo's arm.  Goddammit cat!  (Angelo is a lawyer and an inveterate Republican propaganda Facebook poster.  His computer is his lifeline on so many levels.)  The cat swishes his tail, leaps onto the chair where Angelo is sitting, rubs against him (aiming for the face but missing), jumps down and slowly walks out of the room with this "whatcha gonna do about it" attitude.

But I believe his all-time favorite annoyance is his incessant need to run back and forth down the hallway, to the bed, down the hallway, into the darkness and back.  Of course, he only does this when it's pitch black outside and it's 4:30 a.m.  And he does this no less than six times that I know of.  Shoot he might have done it a dozen and the last six are for my benefit because I'm now awake and it's time to feed him.  (His second big thrill used to be to get under your feet first thing in the morning, but Angelo, who is not a small man, stepped on him too many Onyx is very careful of feet.)  I hiss at him and he runs away and sulks until I fall back to sleep then the ritual begins all over again.

Why I keep him is beyond me.  Why he keeps me?  Well isn't that obvious.  He has me trained!

Friday, March 22, 2013

I needed a few things at the store today, one thing being tall kitchen garbage bags.  Since Angelo had sixteen (slight exaggeration but not much of one) boxes of these when I moved in here, I haven't had the need to purchase these items.  So, now needing them, I went to the aisle where these are located....and they take up almost an entire aisle.......

There were so many.  All I wanted was a box of tall kitchen garbage bags and I was almost overwhelmed with the variety.  Not only are there the store brands, and some unusual "green" brands, but the two major players, Hefty and Glad had, themselves, beaucoup from which to choose.  You could get the kind that kill odors, get those with draw strings, the ones that tie, the ones that use twist-ties, the ones that have "flex-shield", the ones that are stronger with less plastic (hmmmmm), the "force flex" with "Fabreeze", and that's not even looking at how many comes in a box.  Lordy, these things are in every size and amount possible without having and entire store dedicated to tall kitchen garbage bags.  

I must have stood there five minutes, in a quandary.  Finally, I settled on Hefty Odor Block Bags in a box of 78.  Why Hefty?  Hell if I know.  Maybe it was because of the commercial "heffa heffa hefty".  Or maybe it was because they are unscented with an odor block.  (But truth be told, they still smell of plastic.)  Most likely it was because they were the biggest box of trash can liners I could find.  So, I bought three boxes because I sure as hell didn't want to go through this anytime again soon!  Now I understand why Angelo had so many when I arrived here!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013


My partner and I got into a discussion regarding gay marriage this morning.  I am for it, he is against it which would have been the end of story until we started discussing it.  Seems he's not against civil unions between anyone, but he is not for gay's the marriage thing.  And after much contemplation I agree with him.  The answer to this whole entire nation-wide problem is in the wording.

Marriage, as argued by right wing Christians, is between a man and a woman.  Maybe that is how their church interprets it.  Other churches may vary on that opinion but I believe Angelo is right when he says "Marriage is a religious word".

The United States should, therefore, no longer issue Marriage Certificates.  Rather it should issue  Civil Union Certificates.  Once a couple has this, it should be recognized as a partnership and therefore share the benefits (and costs) that government "marriages" now offer.  However, if the couple wants to "marry" that should be dependent on the church and not on the government.

I believe people should have the right to share a relationship with someone of their own choosing.  Not everyone is heterosexual and it's time this is accepted.  They should not be considered aberrant or abnormal for these words annotate that something is wrong with them.  However, a similar word that could be used is different (and some will argue that these words are synonyms yet they are not).  We are all different in some form or another so therefore being "different" is an acceptable adverb to use.

As well, homosexuals make up 10% or more of the sexually active human beings.   In the United States, this makes them a minority and as a minority they have rights, one of which is against discrimination.  Isn't not allowing them to form a civil union, with all the perks, a type of discrimination?  So therefore isn't it against the law?

And how can a couple be "married" in one state but NOT married in another.  It seems that opens doors to polygamy...or is that only for homosexuals which leads to discrimination.

DOMA talks of marriage, it does not speak of civil unions.  There has to be some unity in this county and I believe that changing the phrasing of this could eliminate all the problems therein.  Homosexuals are people, humans, who should have the same freedoms and rights as the rest of those heterosexual humans in the US.  It should be a civil liberty.

Just sayin......

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

10 Years Later

Ten years ago today we entered Iraq with the plan to find weapons of mass destruction, free the people, prevent al-Qaida from expanding into Iraq, and spread democracy.  Last night, another bomb erupted killing 57 people and proving that Iraq is more unstable now than it was when we entered into this engagement, and more so since we pulled out of the area in 2011.  The conflict, which was to lead to a democratic government, led to more violence.  With the capture and killing of Sadam Hussein, Shiite and Suni insurgents were able to kill approximately 4500 American soldiers and over 100,000 Iraqis. 

And, although it is more democratic than under its previous regime, much to our dismay it is not a pro-American democracy.   The new Shiite led government has ties with Tehran and faces a violent future with the Suni who were in control during Sadam's reign.  Last night is an example of this.  And, on top of this, is the way in which the bombs were planted, leaves us to assume that al-Qaida had its hand in this activity. The ramifications?  No elections in this area until further notice.

Those who know me are cognizant of my feelings toward these matters.  To say we should never have gone there to in the first place is now moot, but leaving the area in such a volatile condition was not the smartest thing we ever did either.  Yes, certain countries in Middle East are our "allies" but they should continue to clearly, so that all the world can hear them, declare that groups such as al-Qaida, the Muslim Brotherhood, and the Taliban, are detrimental to the positive growth of this area as well as the freedom of the world.  Alas, to do so, though, would make them an enemy of their people as the Muslim nations are united under Allah.  It is much easier for them if the hatred is focused on Western Civilizations rather than their own corrupt governments.  But if they want to continue to receive support from our own government as well as other western allies, we should demand that they do this and threaten to cut off ties with them until we can all stand united on one front.   

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Had a wonderful evening with friends last night.  The neighbors, Noel and Mike (roommates, not a couple) came with BA, Mike's aunt, and Rob, Noel's dad.  Also there was the Jakester, Angelo's 16 year old son.  Once drinks were poured, Angelo and guests noshed on fried artichokes and aioli as well as a wide variety of olives.  BA, who was once a caterer, helped me prepare the serving dishes in the kitchen.  The menu consisted of roasted root veggies and brussel sprouts, roasted potatoes, and a tenderloin cooked to perfection and served with horseradish and au jus sauce.  I was going to make a Bearnaise but I just couldn't be bothered, by the time the guests arrived.  Dessert was Zabaglione and fresh berries topped with homemade whipped cream.  All in all a wonderful success as there wasn't a bit of anything left, to include the ginourmous bottle of wine.

But the evening wasn't without some tension.  Halfway through the meal, New Jersey's property taxes were mentioned, which led, eventually, to government and politics....uh oh here we go!  The  conversation turned into a debate with Angelo and Rob on the far right, BA and Noel on the far left, and Mike and me floundering back and forth in the middle.  Of course, when someone made the statement of Obama being Muslim (and I will not name names) it became a free for all.  When Newt Gingrich came into the discussion I had to defend the Right as I have learned quite a bit about the man, and respect his intelligence and knowledge of the workings of politics and government.  Then there was the Middle East where some people took offense that I said they had a sheep mentality.  All in all a lively bit of discussion shared by all!

How no one got indigestion is beyond me, but the more heated the argument, the more the wine flowed (not sure if this was good or bad).  Dessert was served with coffee and loud debating with the lawyer winning most arguments because he was the the most verbose person at the table.  But the rest of us were usually able to get our points across without violence erupting, a major miracle there!  Poor Jake was caught in the middle and I'm sure he would've preferred the conversation to take a completely different turn to sports or something.  However, with the tension that ebbed and flowed throughout the political conversation, we were able to depart as friends.

At least I think we were friends....

Friday, March 15, 2013

Writing can be such an exciting sport event, the words hurling out of your head like serves from Serena Williams. Bang bang bang....the fingers can hardly keep up with the images falling from their tips, some even getting lost as they appear so quickly.  The visual pictures run together in your mind as if you were watching a movie and you are hell pressed to make sure everything in your head arrives to the page accurately.

Then other times it's horrible, slow, and tedious.  There is no sport to it at all.  Instead it is more like taking that damn wishbone out of the Operation Game.  You sit there, slowly creating images.  Words are pulled out of you as a dentist would pull out an impacted wisdom tooth.  Then he tells you to spit, and that's exactly what you have written, slaved over for three hours.  There is no image.  Instead you sound wordy, supercilious, pretentious, bombastic.  BZZZZT you hit the side of the game!

So you clear the page and check out Facebook, read some blogs of friends, read some blogs of strangers, search for interesting articles, vacuum, clean up the kitchen, do some laundry, eye the ironing; anything but try to write again.  And that's how it has been going with my book.  I don't want to put it away, it's my life, but it is giving me fits!  So I'm closing it's window for awhile with the hope that it will call me again, someday, soon.

Maybe it's time to write some fiction...a real bawdy book.  One of those bodice ripper romances that make women wish they were married to men other than their husbands; the kind that are thick with sex without saying sex.  You know the ones...she was aware of his massive manhood pressed against her quivering thighs~! Or maybe I should try to write a book that would appeal to both children and adults, something cross between Harry Potter and Captain Underpants; an unloved child who finds he's a wizard that can make friends by turning them into unclothed superheros.  

Or maybe I should just stick to my blog.  I'm comfortable here. 

Thursday, March 14, 2013


This is the only day that will be Pi both forward and backward until the next millennium.  Seeing all the hype on the internet (thanks Facebook and Twitter) makes me wonder how they will announce it the next time around.  What kind of technology will be prevalent at the time?  And where will humans be living when they see it?  Will we finally move into space and inhabit other planets and moons?  Will there still be a United States or a Europe or will borders change as economies crumble?  What will be the prevalent religion?  Will there even be religion?  Will people even still believe in God or will they have found something else to focus upon?  Oh my word, so much to think about, to imagine, like all those numbers in Pi itself.  Whew!  Well, in honor of the name given to the ratio of the circumference of a circle to the diameter, I am going to make a pie...cherry to be exact, which will give me time to ponder those questions put forth earlier, as well as enjoy a most delicious dessert.  Have a happy Pi day!  Peace, Love and π!!!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

White smoke billowed out of the Vatican chimney indicating that the Conclave had elected a new pope.  Bells rang and the crowds cheered.  And then he was introduced to his sheep, Pope Francis I.  Argentinian born and part of the Jesuit sect, he is known as a humble and compassionate man, probably exactly what the Catholic Church needs after dealing with so much public scandal for the last month, let alone the last decade.  I'm sure the Catholics are hoping that is the case as they keep their fingers crossed while genuflecting.  But, not being a Catholic, rather not being religious at all, the process seems more like a theater production to me.  Catholics don't really follow the rules put forth by the Vatican (at least not the Catholics I know) so why continue with the charade? And why did the last Pope resign?  Talk about smoke....and mirrors.  I only which that the United States Congress would take a page from this Conclave and balance the budget in the 48 hours.  Talk about a miracle.....

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

It's a dark and gloomy day here in Central New Jersey.  What better time to immerse oneself into music of one kind or another.  I've been perusing my favorite artists on Youtube while wishing MTV still played videos.  Or better yet, VH1 which focused on soft rock and golden oldies.  Now all you can find on these channels is "reality TV" which is so far from reality it should be called "imagination TV" or "you can't possibly believe this shit TV".  But that's another blog entirely.

As the rain falls in sheets outside my window I crave the sultry sounds of such artists as Amy Winehouse, Joss Stone, and Paloma Faith.  Their voices spill over me like warm caramel on cold ice cream.  Winehouse's duet "Body and Soul" done with Tony Bennett is fantastic and an all-time favorite.  I almost wish Bennett wouldn't sing so much so I could listen to Winehouse's smokey sounds.  Faith's "Let Your Love Walk In" is another good one.  Though her voice is still young and has yet to reach the truly dark, sultry tones of her contemporaries, she is on the right path.  Now, Joss Stone brings to mind the soul music of the 60's and 70's, and her voice just oozes sex.  But no one can beat Adele with her vocalization that bends and cracks around her songs, the words that flow together and meld into such an erotic sound.  Her "Skyfall" brings goosebumps to my skin and makes my senses hunger for more.  These women, so young, yet their voices so mature, so sizzling, so torrid.  Yes, it's a nice way to spend a rainy Tuesday afternoon.

I dreamed about my mother again last night. She has been a large part of my nocturnal visions this entire week.  Sometimes she's in her 30's or 40's and sometimes she's 90 plus, which is very strange since she died before she hit 80.  Last night we were in a living room, similar to the one in Beaufort only bigger with higher ceilings.  She was very old but wanted new curtains and we were looking at fabric.  I remember the colors green, pink, pale blue, and amber.  I also remember her putting her hand on mine and thinking, "when did your hands get so old?"  But most of all, I also remember feeling safe when she touched me... then I awakened.

It is amazing how one's mind works while in an unconscious state.  The way it takes little forays into the past and mingles it with the present.  What causes these images to appear in our subconscious?  Is it the spirits of these past lives that come to invade our dreams, letting us know, in some way, that they are still with us?

Sometimes I dream about my ex-husband.  I used to be crying and screaming, but anymore it's him coming back to me and leaving again and me feeling very relieved.  It is funny because I rarely think about him when I'm awake unless it's to catch a glimpse of him in my son's face.

I would like to know what all these strange visions mean.  I have read that water has to do with emotions and what the water looks like is what you are dealing with at the moment; ie. muddy water is unclear emotions, calm waters are calm emotions, etc.  It is also stated in several dream interpretations websites that dreaming of "mother" is in direct correlation with nurturing.  This may be true because I have been the caregiver for Angelo this last six months and I have always had a nurturing soul.  But I am uncertain as to the real reasons why we dreams specific things.  What I do know is I miss my mother very much, especially now, and I look forward to our nightly visits.  I almost want to go to sleep early just so that I may see her again

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Having a very conservative partner who follows closely the words of Gingrich and Krauthammer and yet being a moderate liberal and lover of the arts who reads the Washington Post and Huffington Post, the tug of war that goes on in my head it constant.  Mind you, when Angelo talks politics and the Obama-nation of today I take what he says with a grain of salt, but his words are becoming more and more believable.  Unfortunately, liberal media only seems to post pro-Obama propaganda while the right heads in just the opposite direction.  It amazing since the subject is the same in both cases.  I must admit that the voices of Gingrich and Krauthamer are becoming more and more coherent in this world of bombastic rhetoric.

WHAT?  Newt Gingrich you say?  That man is evil!  He has no morals!  He's been married 3 times and he cheated on his wives!  Well, you know what I found out about Mr. Gingrich?  He has been married three times, and the first time was, in fact, to his teacher.  Yes, his high school teacher.  She would've been arrested today for having that relationship.  His second wife married him to be involved in the political world.  She liked the clout it gave her and would not hear of a divorce.  It was a very unhappy marriage.  As for his new wife, she appears to be very good for the man, and it seems they compliment each other.  A very devout Catholic, Gingrich has embraced her religion and tries to live by its dictates.  Of course, being a woman and a freethinking one at that, this is not necessarily a plus for the Newt, but it does show that he is loyal to his spouse.   And besides that, it was Gingrich that helped balance the budget working very closely with President Clinton during his second term in office.  But what I like about Newt more than any of this is no one likes him, or rather NO POLITICAL PARTY likes him.  He's too outspoken, he's too smart, and he doesn't seem to put up with the arrogance that has infested the present government.  And I like the fact that the wool cannot be pulled over his eyes, he's on top of what's going on in the government today.  Yeah, I think I'll keep my eye out for him next go round!

Friday, March 8, 2013

Opened a new bottle of wine tonight which is delightful.  It isn't overwhelming or pretentious but rather quiet and unassuming.  I blend of reds (Merlot, Syrah, and Cabernet Sauvignon with hints of Mourvedre and other select red varieties) that are combined with berries such as cherries and currants.  There is a hint of plum.  This, plus the soft tannins and earthy spices fill the pallet completely with subtle flavors ending with a hint of mocha.  It's a delicious wine with a velvety finish, definitely a do over in my book!

I was sure it was supposed to snow yesterday and was quite relieved when it chose to forgo that plan.  The temperature was too warm, the clouds were too high, and only a few winter flurries passed by my window as I sat reading.  Much to my dismay, I awakened to a snow covered yard and trees lowering their branches under the weight of the white wetness that covered their limbs.  And it has not stopped all day long, though the temperature is still warmer than freezing so the sidewalks and roads are wet rather than icy.  I checked the weather forecast for tomorrow and it's supposed to be in the upper 40's.  Hopefully, this final bid to winter will not last.  It does make me wonder, though, if we will have snow for Easter.

I remember one year when I was a child, living in Mercersburg, Pennsylvania.  A nor'easter blew through and left about a foot or more of snow on the ground on Easter Sunday.  I was so disappointed because I couldn't wear my new Easter dress and shoes and we couldn't go for an egg hunt outside.  My relatives were supposed to come but no one believed they would even attempt it in such inclement weather.  Imagine all of our surprise when we saw Uncle George and Aunt Elma making their way through the drift at the top of the drive, laundry baskets in hand.  I guess there washer was broken and clean clothes demanded that they make the trip, snow or no snow.

Anyway, I sit here and watch the snow fall outside the window.  I have some chicken soup simmering on the stove and a little, fat, robin is hopping around on the sidewalk.  It's the first one I have seen this year.  I can't help but imagine it's thinking, "what the hell?  I just flew all this way for this?  What's going on here?"  Well Robin, you have got to love spring!

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Photo: Yo Congress - Quit clowning around and repeal the Sequester.

Sign our petition if you agree:

I am so frustrated with government today.  I really think we should fire everyone, pick up the original constitution and amendments and start from scratch.  We need to find statesmen to lead us and not politicians who take advantage of us.  We need to find people who will take the unfavorable steps to accomplish things like balanced budgets.  We should be electing people who represent the people and not the parties.  And as I get older, and realize what has happened in our government since I have been voting, I believe it's time to "get tough".  No, this doesn't mean get rid of women's rights, or guns, or same sex marriages, but it means that we all need to be willing to make some sacrifices and not just us, the little guys who have no say because we either lack the money or the means to make a difference in our government.  As well, it means to get tough with the men and women who are serving our needs because we put them in ofice.  It means it's time to make each one accountable starting with President Obama all the way down the line, Democrats and Republicans alike.  It's time the politicians remembered that they work for us.

But how to accomplish this is beyond my grasp.  We tried it with elections but once the politician gets into office, he/she tends to forget they represent the people and begin representing a party, or what's best for the people who gave money to their campaigns.  It seems so dishonest to me, yet I have to pay my taxes, I have to follow the laws, I have to be held accountable for my actions, while these bozos just string things along until someone else can make a decision or another party is in office.  They add things to bills which have nothing to do with the original bill.  And they don't listen to the little guy at all, instead playing the political game with themselves and their money bags. 

I wonder if Americans are even aware of the bullshit that takes place in Congress.  And if we realized it what we could do, as a country, to stop the waste and fraud and unconstitutional decisions that are made?  It takes more than an election, that's for sure.  And the media sure doesn't help.  I watch the news and wonder why 3 to 5 minutes is spent on news while the rest of the 30 minutes has to do with a killing in Kentucky or whether the Kardashian baby is a boy or a girl.  What is wrong with people that they put up with this garbage.  Don't we care?

As much as I enjoy seeing the family unit with the Obamas, I have learned not to trust them.  I hear so many rumors from everything to his birth to the denial, by him, of his own actions and those taken by people in his office, that I can no longer believe him.  There is always some truth to rumor and there are so many rumors out there that I question his integrity.  And he is great at playing the blame game.  For example, he added the sequester into legislation and now blames the Republicans for having it (or for waiting until they HAD to have it), yet it was his idea. And what is with closing the White House doors due to the sequester and lack of funds to pay the Secret Service.  That's bullshit!  They should already have the money to pay the Secret Service BUT if you have to cut back something don't do it to the Secret Service.  Cut back some of Michelle Obama's personal's rumored she has 20 of them.  And don't play golf with the likes of Tiger Woods.  And talk about misuse of Executive Orders (drones) or Executive Privilege (Fast and Furious).

And it's not just the Obamas and the Democratic Party.  The Republicans are just as bad.  Take Jeff Sessions and the BS he put out about Obamacare.  The Senator stated his findings were based on "a realistic set of assumptions" and he dropped this little nut just hours before the GAO report was supposed to go public.  Unfortunately, the Republicans and those against Obamacare pounced on this and didn't even bother to acknowledge the rebuff made by the GAO.  What the people fail to realize is that the question was put to the GAO by Sessions regarding the worse case scenario and what those results would be.  He required the GAO to project what might happen to the long-term national debt under the following circumstances; (a) Congress acts to end each and every one of the tax provisions that are a critical part of the financing mechanism for the law, (b) each and every cost cutting measure in the law fails completely, and (c) every dollar of spending under the law remaining completely untouched.  He also asked they assess the impact Obamacare might have on the long-term national debt should the law be carried out exactly as it is written and currently exists.  In response this question, the GAO study reported, “The primary deficit declined 1.5 percentage points as a share of GDP over the 75-year period in this (GAO’s Baseline Extended) simulation.”  (Thank you Rick Unger from Forbes for your article!)  Manipulation is the name of the game, and we, as American citizens, are being manipulated by then every day.

Neither party is willing to truly compromise yet they are willing to point fingers saying the other party wouldn't give enough.  Congress is killing us, the White House is killing us, and our people do nothing but glue themselves to the electronics and close their eyes to the destruction of our government.  And those of us that do care have no idea what to do to change things as our hands appear to be tied. Yes, this is a very frustrating time in our government and I don't see any end in sight.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Mental Pause
 I don't notice big changes happening to men during this time of their lives.  In their 40's there is the whole "mid-life crisis" thing, but their bodies don't change too much, at least not that I can tell.  Women, however, really get the brunt of some nasty shit that happens to their bodies.  And it lasts about 10 years.  Incredibly unfair.  

The first thing that goes is the mind.  And not all at once, just a little at a time.  For example, about eight years ago I was standing in the kitchen speaking with my son, telling him of something that happened at work when he says to me "keep going"...."what do you mean?" I replied.  "Your story, keep going...."  Well, I thought and thought and thought and could not, for the life of me, remember what the hell I was talking about.  I started laughing and said to him..."I don't know, I've lost my train of thought."  Kyle gets this incredulous look upon his face and says, "Train?  Train of thought?  Do you know how long it's been since you have had a full train of thought?  You are more a caboose of thought, or a dining car of thought.  You are definitely not a full train of thought!"  Thanks kiddo, and it just gets worse.

The next thing that happens is little black hairs start to appear on the upper lip and chin.  And the nose hairs begin to grow out of the nostrils.  It's ugly and embarrassing.  And pretty soon it isn't just one or two, it's an entire mustache and beard which needs to be removed with laser treatment or some kind of depilatory... like wax....which leaves an ugly red mustache when the wax is yanked off the skin at the speed of sound.....the sound of AHHHHHHHHH DAMNIT! 

Another change is the body.  One minute there is a svelte, attractive woman with fabulous legs in the mirror and 6 months later, out of nowhere, 45 pounds has stuck to the ass and thighs, facial hair is giving the appearance of Sasquatch, the arms have become Aunt Bea's and the body looks 6 months pregnant.  What the hell?  And worse nothing has changed, no food intake, no alcohol intake, no change in exercise....but Lord have Mercy, it takes a village to get the weight off and the body back...and I haven't got a village!

And the hot's very hard to describe the sense of burning from the inside out, the red face, the sweat, the heat making it hard to breathe and nothing to do about it but let it pass.  Even sticking the head in the freezer (something my mother taught me) or putting a cool rag on the back of the neck never helps.  You just have to ride the wave!

Hopefully I'm finished with it, though I get a heat wave every now and then.  At the moment I am working on the weight which is the bane of my existence.  Guess I should be walking instead of off I go!


I have a battle every day, a mental campaign that tends to take its toll on so much of me.  So I take medication to even out my temperament, to balance my negative with my positive, and to make me a creature that does not allow my emotions to run my life.  These little pills help me stay focused on tasks as hand and hamper my tendency to wander through my head and my past.  Like everything in life, this illness and its many layers of abnormality that are calmed by the use of prescription drugs have side affects which are both positive and negative.  The largest drawback I can find with their use is my loss of creativity.  The nullifying of my emotions, the removing it from the surface like taking a loofah to my skin, has left me unable to write, to paint, to create.  I am dull.  And it is not only in my ability to concoct and design that is affected, it is my communications skills as well.  I find I do not wish to begin conversations, where as I was once the life of the party.  There are many times, now, where I have absolutely nothing to say so I just shut up, whereas I used to have an opinion on everything.

But not everything is lost with these medications.  I listen more to others and actually hear what they say to me.  I am still very positive for I no longer dwell on the misfortunes I have had through my life.  And, although I remember the past, I do not linger there for prolonged periods of times wishing things were different, or that I had acted rather than reacted. I respect my relationships more as I am no longer self focused and selfish.  And I have learned to love in a different manner than before.  It is more mature, fuller, more meaningful, and taken much more seriously than in my previous life.  

But I do miss my creativity.