Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Ashton Country House

Welcome to the Ashton Country House situated on Ashton Farms in Staunton, Virginia. We are located near Lexington, Charlottesville and Harrisonburg which gives one easy access to colleges and universities in the area. Located just in the city limits of Staunton, we still have the feel of quiet, country living. One can hear the cows communicating with song birds while, in the distance, a train makes its way over the tracks. Come enjoy a walk up our gentle hills, a cycle ride into town or just a leisurely rest on our front porch swing.







We have several rooms from which to choose. Our largest is the Master Suite, a spacious yet comfortable room which contains the only king-sized bed available here. This suite also has a separate sitting room that can be transformed into another sleeping area. A perfect room for a family with small children!




Four of the remaining five rooms in the house are all comparable:



The Audubon Room is a whimsical bird sanctuary.




The Garden Room is is an array of colorful blooms,







and the Cottage Room is quaint yet spacious.










The Jefferson Room is the only other room that can actually sleep four, thanks to the daybed that opens into a queen-sized sleeper. It is directly off the main floor front door and is closest to the public areas.








The only room with its own access to outside is the Hideaway, a perfect room for people with pets or those who just wish to be apart from the Main House. A precious little area that is decorated in a style that honors the Pennsylvania Dutch.

There is no smoking in the house, but plenty of comfy areas outside where one can enjoy tobacco. We are pet and people friendly so bring your entire family to enjoy our home.
Prices vary depending upon the season, the package you choose or how many are in your party. We have everything from dinner and breakfast packages to just plain bed and breakfast. So be sure to give us a call to make your reservations: Local (540)885-3001, Toll-Free (877)885-3001, FAX (540)885-3304.
We look forward to meeting you!
Caroline and Dick

Monday, June 18, 2007

Big Changes

So much happening this month hence the reason I have not been here in a coon's age. They say things happen in threes and that seems to hold true for what is occuring in my own life.

First, the big announcement from the daughter came at the beginning of the month. She is expecting my first grandchild in January and she and Mikey will marry in August (on Richard's birthday). It will be a very small wedding, held at Mikey's grandmother's house followed by a true redneck (sans alcohol) BBQ that Dick is going to cater. It should be a lot of fun. Send thoughts and prayers their way! I will continue to live here though part time as that brings us to the second big event of June.

We bought the B&B (or I should say Dick bought the B&B). Yes, the Ashton County House in Staunton, VA is "ours" and will be open for business in two weeks! He surprised me with the closing the first Wednesday of June and we've been busy trying to get our lives organized, packed and moved into the new digs ever since. We spent last week hauling personal items south and will probably do that again several times for the next two weeks. Richard is busy with securing licenses and redesigning the website (or having one of his sons-in-law do it) as well as doing everything else that is necessary for his consulting business. I will continue with Williams-Sonoma for the time being, though only two/three days a week and traveling back and forth (thank God Staunton is only 2 hours away). Once the B&B takes off this may change, but until then I will be the happy commuter.

Finally, Kyle graduated last week and is off to summer school at the local Tech school. He needs to take an English course and a math course before heading up to the Culinary Institute of America in Hyde Park, NY. He will also be working this summer which means his plate will be extremely full. Not sure if Bravard will be finishing her Associate's Degree before the baby is born, but I have done all I can to counsel her in that regard. She is an adult and the decision has to be hers.

So, until I have time to do this again, stay safe and be happy. God bless!

Saturday, May 5, 2007

You have GOT to be kidding


I was awake quite early this morning (3:00 am) and decided to turn on CNN as nothing else was boring enough to put me back to sleep. As I was just nodding off, I came fully awake when I heard the following story:

http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/story?id=3119381&page=1


What is the United States coming to? It is my firm opinion that lawyers/judges (I heard on CNN he was a judge) such as this give the legal professionals their horrible reputations. How selfish can this man be?


I think every client of that dry cleaner should counter sue the lawyer/judge for the same amount because closing down that drycleaner will in turn make THEM need to rent a car, spend money on gas, find a new cleaner, etc. Imagine if a thousand customers did that.


What goes around should come around!

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Imus is sueing...surprise, surprise.

I just heard the news. What happened to the days when you were fired and that was it, period? Lawyers have truly mucked up the system and that is why we keep people in positions that they shouldn't have. We are afraid of the ramifications of law suits. Mediocrity abounds because of this!

When I worked for the American Embassy, we had an Ambassador that warned against angering a secretary of African-American decent. We were told not to make waves because she could, in turn, sue. She didn't do her job, she made the most embarrassing mistakes constantly and she was ignorant and socially unacceptable, (and the WORSE secretary ever) but our hands were tied. One needed months, if not years of documentation in order to take action. The Ambassador said "if you want to keep your job and get tenure, this is the age to be an older, black woman...no one's going to mess with you if you've those credentials! You can win suits against discrimination of color and sex and age in a heart-beat."

What happened to just working hard and doing a good job? Is it all about just finding the right angle and sticking it to whomever because you have yourself a lawyer?

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Just a thought

I recently saw a commercial for the oil companies (not sure which one or if any particular company was actually involved) regarding finding fuel alternatives. My question is this: why do the oil companies have to do this? Why can't someone else who isn't even associated with the allpowerful oil industry find a solution? Aren't they wealthy enough? Don't they hold too much power as it is?

Just a thought....

Happy Birthday Baby Girl




When I was young there was a commercial on television that showed snapshots of children as they grew. The background music was that sad, lilting song, with the words "turn around and he's two, turn around and he's four, turn around and he's a young man walking out of the door" (or some such schmaltzy drivel that makes sentimental saps like me well up and ball like babies). Every time one of my two monsters has a birthday, that commercial pops into my head and plays incessantly all day long. Today is my daughter's 23rd birthday. Here is my own version of that walk down memory lane...I'll let you fill in the music!




HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Dear Bravard!




HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!





Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Babble, Babble, Babble

I was surprised how long it had been since tuning into the blog-world. I've been riding the roller coaster of life a lot lately, many demands asked of me, many decisions to make and still not quite sure what I'm doing or what I will do. But the clock keeps ticking, I keep breathing, and days just glom together...ah, such is life.

Last night I returned from a trip to Beaufort, South Carolina to see my dad. He'll be 82 on his next birthday, outlived my mother and wants to remarry as soon as his girlfriend and companion is healthy enough to tie the knot. He looks wonderful, if not a bit skinny and, dare I say it, elderly. He used to be this tall, good-looking man, 6'2" Marine with coal black hair and the bluest eyes in the world. Now, what hair he has is white as snow, his ears are almost as big as his head, he's deaf as a post, and I think he's more like 5'10" if he tries really hard. This is the man who taught Superman how to fly...he was supposed to last forever! But he appears to be very happy now, which is exactly what he deserves.

Emotionally, it was very hard being back in Beaufort. Dick went with me, but this was the first time I'd returned since Steve left me. So many memories and so many questions. I realized there is a lot of closure that I will never have and I truly need to move forward and let go completely. So very hard to do sometimes when questions abound. But it is time to move forward.

While in Beaufort, Dick needed to take care of some Pfizer business so I went for a walk, alone. The day was glorious but the heart was heavy and dark. I meandered through the old streets, under great oaks dripping with Spanish moss, finally making my way to St. Helena's Episcopal Church, a lovely structure in the heart of this old town. My mother's family has been a part of that church community for generations and many are buried in the cemetery, in a plot right outside the front door. Mom's ashes were scattered there this winter. I was supposed to attend but was sitting in Dulles Airport which was surrounded by the fog that prevented my plane from leaving. I looked at the names along the edge of the walk, my Uncle Legare, my Uncle Edward, and my mother. I sat down by my grandparent's headstone and cried long and hard, tears for a lost parent whose strength and guidance was lost at a time I needed it the most, tears of dreams shattered and swept in a pile of shards hidden just beneath the surface like dirt under a carpet, tears of a child that still exists deep within the soul of a woman. I laid in the cemetery and cried long and hard and then gave thanks to God that no one came along to see this emotional display as they probably would've called the authorities. And I walked away with swollen eyes and a killer headache as well as the confidence of knowing that I would survive, just as my ancestors before me.

My parent's house looks wonderful, lots of changes in it, furniture moved, pictures hanging where they weren't hanging before, new carpet, etc. It looks better than when Mom was alive (sorry Sarah but it does). It was difficult walking around and making another list of things I want. I HATE doing that. Shoot, I hate making decisions period, but I truly feel that something should be given, even in death, because it is a gift. I hate picking out my own gifts! It doesn't mean as much and makes me feel as though I am not important enough to give it some personal thought by the person bestowing the gift. Plus, it has been made clear that my sisters don't believe I deserve much of anything because I haven't been a "good daughter", but that's another blog completely. I did tell Daddy that I didn't want or need anything but he didn't like that answer at all and told me to make a list "god dammit", so I'm still making a list, three days later, I am still making a list. Is it too early to begin drinking?

I called Joe and Charlene, my ex-in laws, before I left, right before I left. No one was home so I left a message. In all honesty, I'm not sure I'm ready to see them in a place so familiar to me. I think it's best we see each other on unfamiliar territory. I love them both dearly, but still feel the slight sting of abandonment where the families are concerned. Something I continue to deal with but I am bound and determined to tackle. Joe called whilst I was at the Savannah airport and said how he wished we had met for lunch as they would love to meet Dick. They are probably extremely happy that I am "moving on" as their son barely allowed the ink to dry on the divorce papers before he tied the knot again. I think he may have waited 6 months, but I can't be sure.

So now I'm home with so much that needs to be accomplished in a very short period of time, yes that next chapter is soon to begin. The closing on the inn is drawing near and I keep my fingers crossed that nothing will cause this one to fall through at the last minute. Decisions as to what to do with this place will need to be made, where my daughter will live preys on my thoughts as well as the dilemma of continued education for a son who frittered away his high school days so much that even a college/university that accepts those who see lightening and hear thunder won't have anything to do with him. And then there is the money issue...or lack thereof, as the kids and I try to pay for college, applying for financial aid every semester, filling out student loan applications and scholarship applications every six months, etc. etc. etc....but that's another blog as well. (So many blogs...so little time.)

I need to do laundry, pay some bills, figure out finances, etc...but it's a beautiful day. I think I'll sit outside instead, maybe power wash the back porch. It's funny, that's not on my list of things to do, but it sounds more inviting than what is there...so until next time, I'm going outside to do something constructively exhausting.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Throw Down with Caroline!

So, it happened yet again. After a completely miserable day; physical, boob flattening and scraping of private parts scheduled but only the last two done and only the mamo done after raising holy you know what, blah blah blah, I headed to Dick's house to lay on the sofa and feel very sorry for myself. (I have a wicked cough that the doctor refused to discuss...I need another appointment for that, and my finger where that stupid little cat bit me is still not working correctly, but I need another appointment on top of the other appointment to take care of that!) Dick and I discussed dinner plans and decided that because there were only four of us scheduled to eat he would make his chicken and rice recipe using pork chops instead, so out of the freezer came exactly four chops. Then the phone rang and I was informed by my daughter that another big eater would be attending. No problem, there is left-over meatloaf in the frig, we'll have that too. BUT, I was then informed that I was to make Dick's recipe for dinner, not Dick (and it's his house and his kitchen and he wouldn't budge an inch). So miss pouty-faced Caroline when into the kitchen and threw all Dick's dinner plans out the window and began making plans of my own...but what to have?....It's time to raid the refrigerator and the pantry.

Now I'm feeling very sorry for myself and not very creative. It's 5:15 and I'm perusing cookbooks to no avail when I remember something we used to have as a child...veal Parmesan. That gives me an idea.

Bread crumbs from freezer, add some Italian seasoning, beat two eggs together, put a cup of flour on a plate...dredge pork chop through flour, in egg, in bread crumbs, set aside (repeat for last three chops). Frying pan, 2 TBS olive oil, brown chops about 5 minutes on each side on med-hi heat. Put about 2 cups of chicken stock in a pot and begin to heat.

Slice four pieces of meatloaf the same thickness as the chops. Alternate meats in a 9x13 baking dish. Open a small can of tomato sauce and pour a goodly amount on each cut of meat. Sprinkle with grated mozzarella cheese, grated Parmesan cheese and Italian seasoning. Bake at 375 until ready to serve (about 25 minutes).

Meanwhile, in same pan that was used to fry chops, add a TBS butter to remaining oil. Heat. Add one chopped onion and cook until translucent. Add 2 minced cloves of garlic. Cook one minute. Add 1 pkg (I had to use a can of drained mushrooms) sliced mushrooms, cook until wilted. Add one cup risotto and stir until shiny and a bit translucent. Begin adding heated chicken broth 1/2 cup at a time stirring as it becomes absorbed. Do this for about 15 minutes. Add 1/2 cup white wine and stir until absorbed. Add 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese. Taste, add salt and pepper if needed.

Serve with salad and meat cuts. It took about 35 minutes and tasted great. But I'm still pissed that I had to cook dinner!!!

Monday, April 9, 2007

Throw it Together Dinners are the Best!

I wish I had taken a picture of it...Paella meets, oh I don't know what. But the dinner was fabulous and everyone in the house raved. A definite "do over" by all votes so I thought I would share it with you.

I thawed 8 skinned chicken thighs and thought...what can I do? Having spent many summers in Spain and truly craving some of that atmosphere right now I went digging through the drawers of the frig. Low and behold, I found a half sleeve of Chorizo, a lovely, spicy, dried sausage that I like to nibble on when the mood calls for a little heat. So I took what was left and cut it into large slices. I roughly chopped 2 small onions and about 10 cloves of garlic. I then measured out 2 cups of chicken stock and 1 cup of short grain (risotto) rice.

Large skillet, a bit of olive oil, medium high heat. First I cooked the chorizo and chicken (4 minutes per side) then removed it to a plate. In the leftover oil (which was now a lovely red from the sausage) I cooked the onion until translucent, added the garlic and cooked another minute. I added the rice and stirred into the oil until all shiney, added the 2 cups of stock, returned meat to the pan, covered it and continued to simmer for another 20 minutes.

In the meantime, I took a red capsium (bell pepper) and roasted it over the gas flame on the stove until completely black. I put it in a paper bag and sweat the skin off, pulled the char from it, stemmed and seeded it and cut it into large pieces. About 5 minutes before the rice was finished, I added about a 1/2 cup frozen peas and the roasted red pepper.

And oh my God it was delicious. Chicken Paella without realizing I was making Paella. Makes me want to have dinner all over again.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Patience is a Virtue




My ex-father-in-law sent me these yesterday. The woman in the photographs lives in a "Hummingbird Fly Zone". As these birds migrated, about 20 of them stopped in her yard. Just for a lark, she took a little red dish and filled it with sugar water and these are the results. Isn't this amazing? Can you imagine holding a hummingbird in your hands, much less three or four? WOW!

I didn't mean it, really!

On an earlier blog I made a comment regarding snow and Easter. I want to apologize to everyone in the area and beyond. I had no idea God was listening to me and thought the comment was a request or prayer or wish for frigid, wet weather for this spring holiday. Believe me, it wasn't; it was just a random comment. There was no "I HOPE it snows for Easter", or "wouldn't it be FUN if it snowed for Easter". No, it was more or less an "I wonder if" kind of thing.

I wonder if I could win the lottery the same way? I could actually do a blog on "Caroline Can Win the Mega Bucks Lottery" and see if God, once again, is listening to my random comments. I guess that means I'd actually have to purchase a ticket. Hmmmmmm...stay tuned!

Monday, April 2, 2007

Gas Prices

Does anyone actually believe our government as well as the oil industry when they tell us that the gas prices are going up in part due to the British hostage situation in Iran? Has no one else noticed how the oil price gouging works? This month is the spring vacation season and gas prices ALWAYS go up during driving holidays. This has NOTHING to do with hostages. This has EVERYTHING to do with making money, law of supply and demand, economics 101. Why lie when the truth makes so much more sense?

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Gun Lobby

Can someone please explain to me how a country with a population of 298.5 million can allow a gun lobby whose membership is 4.3 million (that is ONLY 1.4% of our population) to influence the government's decisions on gun control? I find it abhorent that "MONEY TALKS". Does that mean that I, who has no money or influence, also has NO VOICE?

I think if you hunt for food to put on your table, by all means, have a rifle for hunting, but what is the true necessity, the sole purpose of a handgun? Of a semiautomatic 45? One surely doesn't use THAT to bring down a deer or moose or bear, do they? Aren't they weapons used to hunt human beings? To terrorize and violently influence decisions and actions of others? Can someone please convince me that I need one and why? And can you also convince me that by allowing MORE guns on the street will make me and my family safer? Are there numbers out there that prove if I have a gun to defend myself and my family against a "bad guy" with a gun, neither of us will be killed? In my mind, if two people have guns, both are scared, the guns are pointed at the other, someone is going to get hurt.

I can understand "the right to bear arms" especially if trying to free your country from tyranny and persecution...hey wait a second....are you thinking what I'm thinking???

Friday, March 16, 2007

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Spills the Beans

So he has admitted, on tape and in front God and everyone, that he was the mastermind of EVERYTHING! What a man! What a hero in the eyes of his radical followers! What a clever minded leader!...and what a crock of bull! I think if you hold him under water long enough he may admit to masterminding the War between the States as well as the Imperial battles on StarWars. Do you think if we waterboarded Shrub he'd admit to being an idiot???

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

R2D2 takes a new job!


"I've placed information vital to the survival of the rebellion into the memory systems of this R2 unit."


I was surfing today, not really looking for anything in particular, but clicking on whatever happened to catch my interest at the time and I found this...what a fantastic use for our blue mailboxes. It will have StarWars fans flocking to mail anything that will hold a stamp. There may even be a run at the post office. Has a StarWars stamp been done yet? It should probably be next to promote these new mail storage units. Anyway, I found these as well as some more interesting Jedi stuff at the following websites:

From what I can surmise, these are being launched for the 30th anniversary of the original Star Wars release. It had to be pretty expensive to implement and I wonder how much George Lucas gave to the United States Post Office in order to have this done. It would be really great if people could buy them as I've a feeling they will be stolen right and left.

How did the whole StarWars search begin? My daughter asked me where I found "the Star Wars Cantina", a fun parody that hit the radio sometime in the early 90's when the original series was being rereleased. Mark Jonathan Davis wrote it but I don't know if it was really ever for sale in stores. I found the lyrics as well as the music at the Star Wars Cantina Site: http://members.aol.com/manitsas/
Click on cantina.wav and download the music, it's a hoot.

I'm supposed to be doing research on B&B's in Virginia, pricing rooms, seeing what amenities are available, etc., but this was a fun diversion that I wanted to share with all. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did...!




Monday, March 12, 2007

Blogger: Inside the Artists Studio

Found this blog while taking a random walk through various posts. Love her art and wanted to share it with the rest of you. She has a cute cat as well! Please enjoy!

Another fallen soldier taken way too early in his life

A good friend, the wife of a retired Marine Colonel, emailed this post to me....a blog by someone whose views I strongly disagree with but who wanted to honor and remember one of our many, many fallen children. Please take the time to read Michelle Malkin's post so that this young man will not be forgotten.

Thank you,
Caroline

http://michellemalkin.com/archives/006723.htm

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Another embarassing administrative cover-up

So Scooter Libby was found guilty, but of what? There were four felony counts which included making false statements to the FBI, lying to a grand jury and obstructing a probe into the leak of Valerie Plame's identity. I guess my question is what was the crime? It seems to me these are smaller crimes in direct relation to the real crime. So, when do we find out about the first and real crime.

It is my understanding the crime first happened way back when proof/support was needed for beginning the war in Iraq. At this time Cheney approached the CIA and requested they find information regarding Iraq's purchase of certain materials used to produce non-conventional weapons from an African country. The CIA approached Valerie Plame's husband, Ambassador Wilson, to go on a fact finding mission. Now, it is this writer's understanding that he was asked to do this NOT because his wife was a CIA operative, but because of his background in Niger, his background as an Ambassador and his ability to ask questions in a diplomatic manner yet still get to the heart of the issue and collect facts. Once Wilson returned to the US with NO evidence to support the White House claim, they then took a new route in order to find "facts" to further their false claims, at this point pulling the UK into the foray and using their "intelligence" to justify our "need". I suppose if the Ambassador Wilson had found true evidence that backed the White House's claim, none of this would have happened. As it was, he seemed truly surprised by what the White House insisted, did a bit more research after hearing the speeches aired to all of us, and needed, in good conscience, to let the American populace know what he knew, first hand. So he submitted his report to the New York Times.

"I thought the Niger matter was settled and went back to my life. (I did take part in the Iraq debate, arguing that a strict containment regime backed by the threat of force was preferable to an invasion.) In September 2002, however, Niger re-emerged. The British government published a "white paper" asserting that Saddam Hussein and his unconventional arms posed an immediate danger. As evidence, the report cited Iraq's attempts to purchase uranium from an African country.

Then, in January, President Bush, citing the British dossier, repeated the charges about Iraqi efforts to buy uranium from Africa.

The next day, I reminded a friend at the State Department of my trip and suggested that if the president had been referring to Niger, then his conclusion was not borne out by the facts as I understood them. He replied that perhaps the president was speaking about one of the other three African countries that produce uranium: Gabon, South Africa or Namibia. At the time, I accepted the explanation. I didn't know that in December, a month before the president's address, the State Department had published a fact sheet that mentioned the Niger case...

...Having encountered Mr. Hussein and his thugs in the run-up to the Persian Gulf war of 1991, I was only too aware of the dangers he posed.

But were these dangers the same ones the administration told us about? We have to find out. America's foreign policy depends on the sanctity of its information. For this reason, questioning the selective use of intelligence to justify the war in Iraq is neither idle sniping nor "revisionist history," as Mr. Bush has suggested. The act of war is the last option of a democracy, taken when there is a grave threat to our national security. More than 200 American soldiers have lost their lives in Iraq already. We have a duty to ensure that their sacrifice came for the right reasons."
(http://www.commondreams.org/views03/0706-02.htm)


The above paper, in it's entirety, can be read at the address posted. This New York Times article was cut out of the paper by Dick Cheney, marked up with explanations and comments, and passed on to White House personnel so they could further manipulate the mindset of the American people, begin covering the behinds of their bosses, AND start the ruination of Valerie Plame's career as a useful operative in the Central Intelligence Agency as well as attempt to besmirch the good name of one of our own honorable American Ambassadors. When things don't go the way we want them, we manipulate the information so that we can get what we wanted to begin with, and that, in a nutshell, is what I think is the mindset of our present administration.

Pretty sad that they can play with their constituents in this manner, and even sadder that we allow them the ability to do so. I am sickened by this; the cover-ups, the falsification of intelligence, the gross abuse by our government to push agenda's for personal gratification. An agenda that has done nothing, NOTHING for the Iraqi people except send them into civil war, and has done nothing for our soldiers and the soldiers of foreign countries except send them home broken and torn or in flag draped coffins.

What the hell is wrong with these people? It puts me in mind of Richard Nixon and of Iran-Contra. It makes me question the values of the Republican Party. It seems in the last two generations (with the exception of Gerald Ford who was a truly generous and morally ethical individual) once one of their representatives arrives into a seat of power, egotism and self-gratification become the core of the administrations. They seem to have become the "PIT BULL" of political parties.

What was that ugly thing that happened in the Clinton administration? Oh yea, he got a blow job by a young woman that I am still convinced was in the Republican Pocket . I mean, for God's sake, who gets sperm on their dress and doesn't send it to the cleaners (FOR TWO FREAKIN YEARS) unless she is PLANNING to blackmail or embarrass the person to whom the bodily fluid belonged to begin with? Well people, better one man get pleasure from some under the desk sexcapade than an entire population get the pain of being reamed in the hoo-haw by our own elected personnel. Not only is this uncomfortable and degrading but it is extremely expensive!

Monday, March 5, 2007

Furry Felines Find new Friends

In November, Leslie and Dick saved this little creature (and his mother) from the gutter in front of Dick's townhouse. This guy was just about the size of a minute, soaking wet, terrorized and as wild as wild could be. He and his mother remained in a huge cage for several days before we allowed them the freedom of a room. The female, who was later named Mama Cass, kept her eye out for any means of escape whist her offspring, named Buckwheat for his big black eyes and wild hairdo, hid in the corner, under the blanket, under the bed, and as far away from any human contact as possible. Both felines were terrified, hungry, filthy, and in desperate need of love and kindness from the human world.

Eventually, the mother became extremely friendly, greeting you as you came through the front door, jumping into your lap, rubbing her face and tail against anyone who would pay her attention. She had a squeaky little mew but a purr that could rattle the walls. We decided that she must have been owned and abandoned, or ran away from home just as the family with which she lived was moving. Whatever it was, she was MUCH too friendly and comfortable with human beings not to have been owned by one at sometime or other.

Her son, on the other hand, never did become comfortable with us larger mammals. He would come around, sniff at you, but bolt the second you reached out to him or showed any sign of trying to touch him. For the most part he would either hiss or hide. He let Dick pet him, but was never truly comfortable in the experience, always zipping off fast soon after the back or neck was stroked, as if to clean himself of the human encounter.

Unfortunately, as they animals grew and their long hair rained down on the furniture and floors, becoming trapped in carpets and bed linens, Dick began to feel the affects of feline allergies. Though we tried to keep the abode clean, dusted and vacuumed, the hair and dander lingered until Dick had to make the final decision to get rid of the two new family members. Luckily Leslie, a pet lover extraordinaire, put out fliers and posters and soon we had a lovely couple, knowledgeable of wild things and with the patience to care for these two, come to adopt.

Friday night was a truly sad occasion. I was teary and loving on Mama Cass knowing she would soon be departing. Buckwheat had gone to the vet earlier in the week to have his bits snipped and was doing very well, though he still liked to hide in the extra bedroom, which is where he was located when his new parents arrived. We all had hopes of a calm and peaceful transition for the felines...like that could happen.

First Leslie and Dick went to get the cat, but to no avail. Buckwheat went wild, flying around the room and hiding from anything that moved. Dick called for towels, which I brought inside, watching as these two were being outsmarted by the small ball of black fur bounding from the bed to the drapes to the blinds to the dresser and back again until he finally trapped himself behind a large picture leaning against the wall. I slowly eased the hand towel over him and was able to sort of bundle him in it whilst I grabbed the scruff of the neck with one hand and attempted to hold onto his bound feet with the other. Well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions and believe me I traveled down that road Friday night. As I got close to the carrier, Buckwheat began the fight. The towel slipped off my hand and the cat found contact with the middle finger of my right hand, clamped down with his jagged little sharp pointy teeth and held on for dear life.

Mind you, I have given birth twice, naturally and through cesarean, I have had broken bones, I have been in traction from falling down icy steps, I have dislocated knees, I have had my bikini line and bits beyond waxed, but I have never felt pain like I felt when that little creature’s razor sharp teeth sunk deep into my knuckle, began gnawing and would not let go come hell or high water. I was in such misery I couldn't do anything except whisper “Dick…Dick….Dick” while he and Leslie tried to get the wicked little teeth out of my hand while getting maimed with sharp claws in the process. (And I wonder now if I will ever have the full use of my right hand again. The finger is a sausage, at least twice the size of the two other fingers around it and unable to bend or extend properly. The color is a brilliant purple, dull green and ocher yellow, as well as a little black and blue. I have holes in my thumbs from where I tried to pry the little bugger's mouth open, only to have him pierce the nails and pads with his canines. And there are some very attractive puncture wounds on the underside of my finger, the perfect replica of the Buckwheat's dental bite, in case they are needed later for forensic purposes. I am living on antibiotics and Motrin and using some very strong painkillers so that I can sleep at night. And I still hurt dammit!)

The cat? Oh, once we were able to pry his evil mouth off of me and I ran to the bathroom to bleed profusely into the sink while running freezing water over my hands and fighting off bouts of nausea, Dick was able to wrap the animal in the big towel and get the whole kit and caboodle into the carrier. The remainder of the transition from one house to the next happened with little or no more excitement from the two critters that now appear to be very happy in their new abode. How do I know this? We got pictures via email. The two are getting used to their new digs, staying in one room for the time being but will soon be introduced to the rest of the house.
But they will find their new home much different from the last. And I don’t think that little one will be able to hide from the rest of the household for long as there are other critters, Connor in particular, that are anxious to get to know him too!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Administration Frustration









Sometimes I think I should not watch the news. It is just too infuriating. More frustrating is, as the story evolves, being proven correct in an original assessment. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's the God's truth. So way back in once upon a time time, when we were still living in the middle east and the second Gulf war (you know the first one that Shrub was directly involved with where we were fighting actual terrorists in Afghanistan?) was about to begin, the Cheney/Rumsfield entourage descended upon us like Richard the Lionheart and his band of Crusaders. Our opinions, nay our knowledge as middle east experts was never given any thought as the American guests and their minions treated the area as though it was theirs for the taking and to hell with everything else, proving once again that Americans can be arrogant and belligerent in their foolish tenants and endeavors..

The next step In this President's middle east muckup was the abandoment of the true mission. That's right, the Shrub and his aphids decided we needed to leave Afghanistan, where the true and real terrorists were located, where we sent them running into the hills like scared rabbits, where we were milliseconds from capturing and/or annihilating them completely, and head to Iraq where nothing, and I mean NOTHING, was threatening. The danger in Iraq was NOTHING. Saddam Hussein was too arrogant (sound familiar) to even allow other factions such as Iran, Al Quada, or anyone else who may threaten his power to even set foot into his inner circle. But Shrub wanted Hussein so badly he could smell the man's sweat. Shrub had to show up his Daddy!

And so he begins another (NO IT WAS NOT THE SAME ONE) war. Begins it with the threat of WMD's and having that fail he sidesteps into Democracy and the need to instill it in that area of the world. The man should be a professional dancer with the sidesteps he's taken since beginning this "crusade". And what do we have today, March 1, 2007? We have Iran with Nuclear intent. We have Korea with Nuclear intent. We have little if any respect in the foreign community. We have a dead Saddam Hussein from a country that cannot possibly fathom the idea of living together as they are tribal and have the need to wipe the other tribes out in order to survive. (Sounds a bit like genocide doesn't it? Welcome to that area of the world!) And we have Al Qaeda in Pakistan, on the Afghanistan border (where we abandoned the original idea of wiping out terrorism), rebuilding and strong, and again, a terrorist threat to our people and the greater western world. And Osama bin Laden? Who knows? But be he dead or alive, he is and will always remain a hero in the eyes of the radical Islamics.











So I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who voted for George Bush, NOT the first time for I can almost forgive you for that, but re-elected him into office that second time. I hold YOU personally responsible for the mess in which we now find ourselves. I think, in my humble opinion, you have proven in our government, as well as in governments across the world, how democracy doesn't work. You have turned our three rings of power into a joke. The Judicial is almost entirely FAR right and there will not be the opportunity to round out their ideals until one kicks the can or retires which I do NOT foresee happening for many years. The Legislative is on the cusp falling to the "Dark Side" AGAIN as it is being held for ransom by one Independent Lieberman who is making threats to become a Republican if ...(http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory?id=2830045). And the present Executive is just a permanent water stain on the fine wood of our democratic system, an ugly mark that will cost the American people so much more than money and an election to restore it to it's former glory.

Unfortunately it will take many, many years before we can regain our "good" name and are admired by others in different parts of the world. It is regretful that we pulled Great Britain right down with us and spit in the faces of those countries who were compelled to question our information, our motives and our goals. Freedom fries my ass!

2007 Oscars


Unfortunately I missed them. Yes, I can't believe it either as the Oscars are the ONLY award show that I watch, but I missed them. I completely forgot about them. Maybe it was the snow. Maybe it was exhaustion from spending two days looking at property. Maybe it was the way in which the planets and stars were aligned. I don't know...but I missed them and I'm angry with myself as I was so looking forward to Ellen DeGeneres as the hostess. So, now I get to watch it through her television show, not quite the same thing but at least I'll feel as though I did partake albeit vicariously and rather late.

I will say that Post-Oscar comments tend to push my buttons. I wonder at the verbal and somewhat abusive criticism that fashionistas dole out to those who took the time to dress and parade for their adoring masses. Sometimes I feel these opinions, especially the snipes of Kat Giantis, leave much to be desired and, for the most part, should be ignored.

Take what she said in regards to Jennifer Hudson, for example. "Did the dishy "Dreamgirls" star -- and current Vogue cover girl -- become so overwhelmed by the oodles of haute couture she was showered with that she panicked and blindly grabbed at the first objects that caught her eye, which unfortunately were her pet snake and a can of silver spray paint?" Personally, I thought she looked fabulous. The jacket was appropriate for the occasion with the metallic collar framing her beautiful face. The mocha gown was understated and tasteful, and complimented both her complexion and her full figure without making her look like a pillow tied in the middle. So what was the big deal people? Is it the pockets? Is it the shrug itself? Or is it the inability to compliment a new and rising starlet on her performance as well as her seemingly genuine innocence, taste and grace. Shame on you, Kat Giantis, for your ugly and insignificant barbs.

And what about this little snippet of rudeness? "Grin and Bear It: Anne Hathaway may be smiling big on the outside, but we're guessing there's quite a bit of turmoil roiling on the inside. Let's listen in, shall we? "It was so great of Valentino to let me wear this amazing antique lace tablecloth that hoists up my girls as it sucks in my hips. I totally look like my 'Devil Wears Prada' character. You know, after she stopped eating and figured out how to look fabulous. Now, if I can just keep flashing my preternaturally pearly whites for the camera and keep these arms akimbo. This is my moment. Smile away. Dazzle 'em. Holy frijoles! Would you look at the size of that moth over there? I have bras smaller than that thing. Wait, it's not heading this way, is it? All right, stay calm. Everything is fine. Really. Just because it's landed in my cleavage is no reason to panic. Come on, Annie, stay cool. Just keep smiling. Whatever happens, damn it, keep smiling. We'll be fine if we just keep smiling." Not only does she 'dis this exquisite Valentino creation, but she makes snide remarks about this young lady's beautiful smile as well. Did Kat just wake up in a bad humor or is she such a miserable person that she has to take stabs at people in order to feel better about herself. I tell you, it makes me wonder what she was wearing! I also find it interesting that there is not a photograph out there to be found of her but there are a lot of dirty little comments posing as critiques BY her.

Even those actors and actresses who don't fall into the "glamour" category, who appear far from "normal" wardrobe wise and who show up to these things dressed in their own colorful manner, why insult them? A perfect example of this is Sally Kirkland. What can possibly be accomplished by throwing barbs at her for her unconventional taste in clothing? Why not just enjoy her eccentricities and smile at her brashness to wear such outlandish threads. It is Hollywood after all! On a personal level, I think Ms. Kirkland must be a real hoot, and her clothes just accent her ability to throw caution to the wind and be a fly in the face of convention.

As for Jennifer Lopez, can someone please explain to me what is wrong with this outfit? Is it because of the Grecian lines? Is there something written somewhere that says this choice of formal wear is a fashion faux pas? Does she really look bad??? And is there any way my visually fashionable good day could equal this bad one, please? Jennifer, I hope you don't pay attention to any of the negative comments paid to you by these so-called fashion experts. You looked stunning!

As I continue to read the reviews, I am somewhat puzzled by the biting remarks made toward these Hollywood Highlighters and their choice of haute couture. I suppose my confusion is the insults being laid at the feet of those wearing the garments instead of placing the blame on the designers for putting their products on these individuals. The actress doesn't always decide what she is going to be wearing. Instead, much of the time, the decision is based solely on the fashion house that has chosen the canvas for the evening. So instead of castigating Ms. Hathaway for the large black moth that took a nosedive on her bodice, shouldn't the criticism be aimed at the Valentino designer who squashed the bug to begin with? I supposed the reason is that the critic is a "film critic" and not a "fashion critic".

For me, well, I am trying to enjoy all the photographs that were taken of the event. And, personally, I think they all look wonderful, from Anne Hatheway's molested moth to Meryl Streep in Prada's "hippy dippy duds". By the way, Kat, that was not a southwestern piece of art she had draped around her neck, but rather a decidedly oriental creation (which accented the design perfectly) probably originating in Pakistan or India. If you are going to insult creativity, at least get the origins right! As for all of you who put on such a visually stimulating show for us everyday, common folk, in those unforgettable words of Billy Crystal, "you look maw-velous!"

The credit for the photographs above are as follows: photographs of JLo and Anne were products of Steve Granitz and that of Jennifer was taken by John Shearer.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Snow for Easter?


So far this year, the weathermen have been so far off, that I don't believe any of us actually paid a lick of attention to the forecast of 2-6 inches on Sunday. The day before had been so beautiful. The sun was bright and delivered temperatures close to 55 degrees, darn balmy weather considering the week before was running closer to 18. Almost all the snow and ice from the previous week had disappeared and some of the tree buds were making a reappearance.

I hadn't slept well as Dick and I spent the entire weekend looking at property from here to Blacksburg trying to find an inn/B&B to purchase. We were so tired we could barely communicate in complete sentences, but I was beyond sleep, only napping for short bursts. So I stayed in front of the television allowing the grey noise to lull me into the arms of Morpheus. At 4:30 in the morning I awakened to the need to use the bathroom and glanced out the window to see bit of rain but nothing more. On the sofa I fell back to sleep only to wake up a little over an hour later to a winter wonderland. What a difference an hour makes...and it just kept falling and falling, fat puffy flakes, small tight crystals, white white and more white. The temperature fluctuated between 31 and 33 for most of the day but the snow fell for a good 12 hours until it finally tapered off around 3:30. But the accumulation was closer to 8 or 10 inches than the 2 to 6 that was predicted.

Luckily, the previous three days of very warm and sunny weather heated the ground so the mess today is virtually non-existent. Yesterday evening the roads were easy to plow and the sidewalks shoveled clean which prepared the way for risk-free transportation today. And though overcast, the temperature is in the upper 30's low 40's. This blanket of white will probably disappear in a day or two.

But it does make me wonder if this climatic show is the last hurrah or if we'll see one more huge dump before spring is well and truly upon us. I know the powers that be forced Punxatawney Phil out of his hidey hole to report that we would have an early spring, but I think I agree with Meredith Vierra in her assessment that the early spring they were speaking of occurred in January. A white Easter has been known to happen. But will it happen this year as well? Only time and Mother Nature know for sure.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Cell Phone Protocol

I'm not sure about you, but as convenient as cell phones are, I really have grown to abhor the things. They seem to have become the technological umbilical chords to life, always attached to the human being in some way, shape or form. It is quite revolting, our obsession with these little bits of metal, plastic and microgagetry. And what truly amazes me is that which we catalogue as convenience I am beginning to see more a societal destruction.

Take a simple trip to the market; one cannot travel down an aisle without encountering someone with their ear pushed hard against the cell phone as the person on the other end reminds them of what they need to pick up whilst at the store. Whatever happened to a piece of paper and a pencil (otherwise known as a list)? I guess the positive is that we are saving trees, but how much of the atmosphere are we contaminating, not to mention microwaves against the braincells, and the common courtesy we should have toward other human beings....hmmmm.

And what is the need to begin making chatty calls to friends and acquaintances as soon as the ignition of the car is started? Are our lives so busy that driving the car is the only time we have to partake in telephone conversations? And how safe is it to be focusing on a chitchat whilst maneuvering a weapon of mass destruction? Yesterday I took a little poll driving from my house to work. It was 9:30 and just at the dregs of rush hour. Pulling to my first intersection I was able to count six vehicles in my vicinity, going in the same direction as I. Of the six drivers, four were speaking on cell phones. FOUR!!!! That's more than half. Were they all talking to each other? Maybe a conference call on how to stop at the red light? The woman in front of me was so engrossed with her conversation and looking onto the car seat next to her that she missed the light turning green. Two cars passed her before I honked my horn and she gave ME the finger! Get off the freaking phone and focus on the task at hand you stupid cow!

I took my father to the Native American Museum at the Smithsonian, a place I truly feel should be cellphone free. We were walking through an exhibit on the top floor, a quiet and sacred display broken into small areas of natives and their cultures, when we encountered a woman with a very loud voice yammering on and on about a staff meeting. She thought she was being polite by stepping into a dark corner, but her voice carried across the entire floor trespassing on the ears of those of us who wanted to actually hear the sounds of the exhibition. I was going to say something when someone else approached her. I'm not sure what was said but she answered in a very loud voice "Do you mind? I'm having a very important discussion here!" Well, yes we mind. Why do you think we approached you to begin with?

And one cannot walk into a restaurant these days, be it McDonalds or the Zaytinya, without spotting people at tables with cell phones pushed against their heads or those obnoxious Bluetooth doohickeys attached to their ears. Instead of talking on the cell phone why don't you speak to the person with whom you are eating? Or are you both talking to each other on your cell phones because that is the only way in which you can communicate? And there is nothing more rude than being with someone who, in the middle of a conversation where YOU are speaking, whips out his phone and begins dialing. The first (an only) time this happened to me I shut up, I couldn't speak. When I was told, "Go ahead, I'm only checking my messages." I said, "No, that's okay. Apparently what I am saying holds no significance as compared to your messages." Then I excused myself, got up and left the restaurant. He could still be sitting there for all I know!

And I cannot begin to express the frustration I feel when someone enters the store chatting on a hands free devise. As a customer service representative and someone who is graded on greet and approach, it is part of my job to speak to the consumer as he or she enters my store. When the customer is already talking, I think I am the person be spoken to and interrupt the extremely important conversation to inquire as to what was asked only to get a face load of "stink eye" and maybe a rude "I wasn't speaking to you". Well, EXCUUUUUSE me! So my advise to anyone out there entering my store, do NOT come to my counter while having a cellphone conversation as I will completely ignore you. I will go so far as to take the person behind you rather than wait on YOU. I find your kind of rudeness abhorrent!

For Lent, I have given up the use of my cell phone except during emergencies. I have instructed my children not to call me unless they are bleeding out of their eyes or dead on the side of the road. I told them they were not even to call me if they were in jail...they can call their boss to post bail. I found out yesterday that I have 7 messages, none of which I have listened to or returned as when I checked the numbers they were all from Chatty Cathies who left messages on my house phone as well. I only turned on my cell for the navigational devise as I was lost in a paper bag again. But I did pull off the road to enter the address...I find it hard to tolerate those people who try to drive and text at the same time. I don't trust the OTHER drivers enough to attempt that!


So, if any of you out there need to talk to me, call me at home as my cell is null and void. Or send me an email, I check that twice a day, usually....though I have been known to put that on hold as well. Or better still, send me a letter! How old school but how absolutely refreshing. A letter!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Relationships: Part 2



The relationships between parents and their children are beyond words, traversing the emotional roads that sometimes have guardrails, but most times just rest on the precipice of a deep dark abyss in which our hopes, dreams and good intentions cloud the views of what has happened and what will come to pass. When children are small, we are so proud. Look what we have produced. We are godlike in our skills of creating human perfection. Then we begin to mold them, forming their beings with creative hands and open minds so they will become what we visualize, nay fantasize, to be the best example of human kind that ever walked the earth, eradicating those flaws we find in ourselves and perfecting the qualities we recognize to be redeeming. And God sits back and laughs! What entertainment we narcissistic characters are!

I have two children, brought forth in the world in the usual manner. Though married, I believe I did the majority of work raising them and probably did the most damage as well. My eldest, a girl child (and believe me, growing up with girls, THAT was the last thing I wanted) was the most beautiful, most incredible little creature with all of her fingers and toes and these enormous cornflower blue eyes surrounded by camel's lashes. What a tiny bit of perfection I had.

As she grew I taught her to be tolerant, animal friendly, artistic, open-minded, loving, understanding and good. I tried to teach her forgiveness but I did not teach her guilt as I thought I had learned that to the nth degree and didn't really like the instruction myself, so I skipped it. Little did I know, at the time, that one must feel guilt in order to experience forgiveness. So, unfortunately, that was pretty much a moot lesson altogether. I taught her not to lie by washing her mouth out with soap if she didn't tell the truth. I showed her that throwing sand in the face of another child is not a nice experience by throwing the sand in her own face. I asked her not to point at people who looked or acted differently than ourselves, and I instilled in her the values that I still hold dear, I think...to accept people for who they are and not to judge them by the standards of others. So strong was my lesson that she morphed into that which I preached should be accepted. She has multicolored hair (today... she was completely bald last spring), she has just had a new tattoo done on her wrist, she wears metal in places I'm sure I don't want to know about, she befriends people who will never grace the cover of Forbes or amount to much (socially) unless they win the really BIG lottery and she loves heavy metal, metallic, head-banging, violent-languaged music...oh, and she has the mouth of a sailor (like her mother).

And as my heart hurts, I question all the mistakes I made in motherhood; and as I feel the guilt of failure as a parent, God sits up there and laughs at me. Sometimes I can hear Him snorting as He doubles over in hysterics. "Yes," he snickers. "You have produced that same person that you so pompously taught your daughter to 'tolerate'. Are you two-faced in your beliefs? Are you a bigot?" Those lessons of accepting all people for who they are and not by what they may look like or where their background may have originated are now standing firmly in my living room showing me her new "ink". And I beg God, please show me the humor; this will be much easier to take if I can laugh about it too. But He answers, NOT YET.

My son is now 17 and on the verge of leaving the nest, maybe. I didn't push him as hard as his sister under the advise of others. In hindsight I wish I hadn't listened but "boys are so different from girls, they learn on different levels and at different times". And besides, Kyle was just so darned different than anyone I'd come across, any of the other children and he, well, Kyle reminded me of me. He was my daydreamer and rather than reprimand him about it, I fostered that "creativity" in him. Dreaming was wonderful, some great creative minds are dreamers, IE Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, um, Steven Spielberg...! And Kyle loved to help me in the kitchen so I gladly allowed him that opportunity. He was not athletic and once we moved to an area of the world where the weather wasn't conducive to outside play, we stopped trying to make him participate in physical games. And now I have an overweight giant on my hands, whose heart breaks at a wrong word, who still daydreams instead of doing his homework, and who has made the success of failure an art form. My young man who is kind, good, gentle, tolerant, sweet, and different from all the other boys because he is gay. And God laughs harder and I shake my head and wait for the punchline.

Today my children who are not really children (17 and 22) are angry with me. As a single mother I lose patience sometimes as I feel overwhelmed by it all. I rue my decisions and shake my fist at God, I yell at the injustice of being the only parent carrying the sole responsibility of these "wrong choices" taken in their youth, I dream of running away as their father did and I ask myself why I couldn't have done it first...then I stop and I realize God is no longer laughing as my words have hurt him as deeply as they have hurt me. Then I remember the report card where the D was pulled up to a B, and I see the excitement in the new art of ink that shines in the brilliant eyes, and I take a deep breath, cry a few tears and remind myself that I have produced two wonderful children. No, they may not be the adults I had envisioned as I held them in my arms. Their experiences in life didn't preclude the shaping of home-coming queens, or geniuses with full-ride scholarships to Yale for there was no participation in the high school booster club and no debate team. There were no piano recitals and no football games.

What they had, though, was love, tolerance, respect, and a plethora of colorful and worldly experiences that will eventually shape them into the incredible adults that they ARE becoming...that is, if I don't kill them first. Then I hear God laughing again, and I finally get the joke!

Friday, February 16, 2007

Relationships: Part 1




It has been one hell of a week, emotionally; a real roller coaster ride. This just exacerbates the typical drama that seems to adhere to me like metal to magnets. And I am so tired of the drama. Dealing with it on a daily basis is the most exhausting job I have. I used to think of myself as a helpful friend, listening to others as they sort out their problems, giving them a sounding board, dishing out advise (whether wanted or not), and just trying to be there for others when their own lives seemed to overwhelm them. I realized that I was nothing but a beast of burden, and probably not at all helpful to anyone in the long run. On top of that, I was damaging myself, surrounding myself with the problems of others and therefore making myself incapable of solving my own. Maybe I felt that if I took on this baggage I wouldn't need to be responsible for my own, but whatever I was attempting all I had accomplished was to become a drowning victim of the drama I had created. My psychologist asked "Why is it you feel you are always surrounded by drama? Answer that question and you will be able to take the steps to eliminate the problem." That is what I have been trying to ask and answer for quite awhile, but it was truly brought home this week.

I will say that I took a much needed reprieve after quitting my job. I didn't answer the phone and I did little else except to clean the house and do laundry, shovel snow and cook, and surf the Internet for neat dumb junk, read and send email, and vegetate. Yes, this became my time to be lazy and self-absorbed, to allow others to deal with their own issues and to allow me the time to, well, heal. It was wonderfully therapeutic and I was able to shut my mind off to all the little bites that life, in general, seemed to have taken from me for the past several months, nay years.

I think the hardest part of being a single parent is the single bit, especially when you've never been a "single" unit in your whole entire life. All of the sudden you alone have the sole responsibility of everything. There is no one to share in the decision-making, the financial burdens, or emotional tribulations that come along in this day-to-day life. When one is used to having another body there, be he supportive or otherwise, the onus of taking it on alone can be devastatingly overwhelming. The lives you moulded as a couple have now come to depend upon you and only you. And maybe those decisions that were made as a couple would not have been made by you, as a single, but still, you have the sole responsibility for the outcome of these "coupled" decisions. And sometimes you can feel that no matter what you do, no matter what you try to accomplish, no matter how good the intentions, somehow it all turns to shit and you are left facing the failure of a marriage, the failure to produce productive and responsible offspring, and the failure to maintain friendships that you have held so close to your heart for so many years. And over time these "personal" failures seem to glom together to become such a form of insurmountable guilt and grief, the core of that ever dreaded psychological, dysfunctional drama that you have allowed yourself to become.

I trudged through two bi-polar emotional experiences this week. After having a full seven plus days of mental recuperation and the week of beginning the process of creating a menu for "the inn", I received an invitation from Dick (who was overseas at the time) to a Valentine Party at his house on Saturday. Now, you have to understand that around Thanksgiving, the neighbors were at Dick's house at the time one of them asked WHEN (not if) we were going to get engaged. Dick laughed then blew us all away by saying we'd announce our engagement at a Valentine's Day Party. Before we could all get excited, he stipulated that he just wasn't sure what year it would be. In the meantime, he asked about my preference of rings and also spoke with our children about future plans of spending our lives together. But that was weeks ago. In actuality, I thought we would use this night to announce, not the engagement, but the final closure of the property in Staunton, VA. Unfortunately, the purchase of the inn died it's last death on Tuesday afternoon. Now, if I have learned anything in this life, it is not to expect the expected. On Monday night while I was making dinner, Dick and Kyle ran and errand and when they came back Dick told me that Kyle said we could get married, but he didn't say when. (I get teased like this all the time, but this really felt different.) And so I was quite thrilled, very humbled, and incredibly overwhelmed when Dick asked for my hand two days later, on Valentine's day...no ring, no bent knee, but a lovely valentine card with the words "will you marry me, please" carefully inscribed inside. Which brings me back to the Valentine Party invitation.

My very best friend of so many years has slammed the door on our relationship, placing the blame of the demise solely at my front stoop. I do know that I am at some fault. I have not called as often as I should. I use the Internet as my main form of communication. And I have segregated myself from others but not intentionally. Before I quit my job, I found I had no time anymore. Every minute of every second of every day was filled with something or someone and I had no time for me. And I was so tired and exhausted and spirit-broken that the path I saw ahead of me was nothing but more of the same, a dark hole that I had managed to dig myself into with no chance of escape. So, I quit my job, spent days resting and reevaluating, and felt deep in my soul that something good was going to come to pass. And this is no excuse, but when my invitation came to the Valentine's party, I sent it out to friends and family across the board with a little aside that Dick might be asking me to marry him at the party. I should have called Elaine and told her. I shouldn't have sent her an en masse email. I should have phoned, period. She wrote me back in the afternoon and her reply was very presice. Lose her email address like I've lost her phone number. I felt as though I'd been kicked in the gut. Having her cut that last thread that I had with my past life at a time when I was just getting the chance to reweave old threads with new, well, I was not prepared for the loss. But there it was. The End written in big letters across this chapter of my life.

Which brings me back to the beginning of this mental evaluation...drama. So, maybe one can't prevent it, per Se, but one can make it less "dramatic". Maybe her ending our friendship was a way that she could purge her own drama. Maybe her blaming me was a cover for her own withdrawal and a way to alleviate her own guilty feelings about our "break up". Or maybe it was none of these things, but something else completely different that I, in my ignorance, refuse to acknowledge. But whatever it was, and as much as it hurts my heart, I will abide by her wishes. I will close that chapter of my life and weave tomorrow with all new threads. I will continue to pray for her health as well as hope for a renewal of a new and better friendship, but I will not hold my breath, I will not rant and rave, and I will not beg for forgiveness for something I did not do intentionally. I will instead sadly yet proudly and with a positive spirit walk down this new road I have chosen, taking my own baggage but leaving the drama of others on the curb where it was given to me. I will not pick it up anymore. I may have the strength, but have not the will. It is enough for me to care for the baggage of my immediate family when their own arms get to tired for the load, and they will help me carry mine.

My words to Elaine will always be that I love you. I will miss you my friend, my sister, my guardian angel. I do not think I will truly be the same ever again, but I will survive this as I have survived so much before. And in the end, the better person I will become will be due to the magic that we spun with our laughter and our tears. For that I will always be grateful.
Update 6/21/07: This is now all water over the damn. After many months of stewing in our own juices, Elaine and I are back on track as friends will be once they stop being hard-headed because we sure as hell aren't hard-hearted. Dick sent me to Utah to see her because he got sick and tired of me complaining all the time. Thank you my darling Richard! It was a mini-vacation too long in coming that was way too short. But Elaine and Frank are coming to see us in our new digs so all is good!